| I'm so upset....
For my early childhood ed. class, they droped me, so all this time i was never in the class and if i want to get the grade i'll have to pay for the class.
They was like 200$ for the class, im so upset, i aced my finals. but now there saying I dont even have my math 60 *falls over* all this damn work and seems like for nothing. *cries*
I dont know what im going to do i was screaming at the office earlier, *sighs* I'm working so it's not that big of a deal, but they still fucked up and wont fix it and I have been taking Math 60 that i was never, in good for me, blah i know the math now so when i do that the damn class i should fly through it right?
Blah im so gone, I aced my early childhood final, and now im not even in teh fucking class, i have worked so hard in all my classes.
*cries*
Daddies Gurl | comments: Leave a comment   |
| Always wanted to say that. Smiles. I had a great night in denver, went out to eat, and just hung out down town, yes im easy to please i love to do nothing and everything at the same time. Talking with William more i hope everything is ok there with work and his family, im always worried about his brother.
Last night was pretty bad, i'm completly lost on how to help my mother out, she might lose her home because of losing her job, its some what her fault in other way tho is not, my mother was a slave in her first marrage and she was not aloud to work or go out, she always had his sacurity, she loved him and feared him, and im sorry for that my dad was a great father maybe not the greatest husband. I was in tears last night over a migrian and stress, i dont know how to help her. I'm working in dever, and the money will go to her till she finds anouther job, i love her and i want to help after all she has been my provieder all my life. My mother would give her last dollar to some one, she is caring and giveing understading and openminded. I love her, ive said that already. anyway.
If you like fan fics my cousin is a great rider, this one is based on Yu YU hakashuo (spelling?) If you do read please review.
http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=17498
Aryanna is doign well, she has a small cold, but im sure it will be over soon, i leave on the buss tomarrow about noon. She has been so good on the buss she sleeps all teh way there or flirts with all the guys, lmao. Daughter like mother. talk to everyone soon.
daddy's Angel | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Stone sour Bother | | Security: | | | Subject: | Still in Denver | | Time: | 02:15 am | | Current Mood: |  chipper |
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| The last two nights were fun we all have been going out, saw some of the parade of lights, so beautiful. Cold though i wore a skirt last night, i feel good when i look good, lol yes its winter out, anyway. I like Denver, its busy, open, and kinda scary i miss being in a big town. Any way daddy and i are talking more again, it's nice, some times im still worried about disapointing him, but thats anouther story for latter. On the down side mom lost her job at the store, Scoot the owner is a jerk, he told her is was ok to take saterday off then fired her for it she is really worried about x mas now, *sighs* monday mom and i will go out looking for work. Or maybe later in teh week, not sure how long ill be here i jusr have to be back by thurdays night take me math test and get my final grade for me ECE>
here are a few poems...
Control
Scratch my back with sandpaper
Run razors down my spine
And still Ill stand beside you
Until the end of time
Rip my hairs out one by one
Stick needles in my eyes
And still I cant escape your grasp
Although I don’t know why
You can beat me till I feel no more
And rape me of all pride
But you cant take away the love I have
Bottled up in side
And still I cannot leave you
Though I’m trying to break free
And still I cant escape your grasp
Because you're controlling me
Crystal Aleshire (Angel)
Agony And Ecstasy
A Burning desire I feel its touch caressing me softly kissing my flesh.
Its sharp tongue piercing the skin drops of blood pour from within.
An aching feeling wanting more leaving me crying in pain on the floor ripping me open feeing on my insides eating me whole tears fall from my eyes.
Feeling so dirty feeling so good begging for mercy, begging for more.
Rocking back and forth moaning for release, wanting to fall deeper in this dream.
Kicking your feet, swinging your arms, hearing your screams ringing in your ears.
Taking control, shacking in fear calling you whore wanting you to beg for more.
Shoving it in making you cry loving he way you beg just to die. Watching your agony torturing you more then leaving you half dead on the floor.
The pleasure was there hidden inside feeling so dirty wanting to hide.
Shaking all over falling asleep waking in horror from the memories you keep.
Agony and ecstasy one in the same…
The loneliness sits there in the pit of her stomach curdling and turning leaving her aching.
The thoughts of what had happened flash before her eyes, closing her eyes to block the tears.
Voices screaming in her head, crying out making her want to scream.
Eyes wide-open tears start to fall wet streaks left behind burning sensations.
Hard to see her world shaking, rocking back and forth hands clenched nails digging into her flesh leaving drops of blood behind. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| This week seems to be getting worse I didn’t think that was possible. First my family was decorating the tree and asked me to keep the cat in my room. 3 bedroom house and they want me to leave, some family, it really hurt. But that’s life right, I'm so confused right now and I can't talk to anyone about it, its not far, some times being a submissive seems like i'm losing my friends/Doms...I know you proably don't understand that but I needed to say it. I'm pulled in 3 different directions. I'm not sure what to do about college.
If I stay in Mississippi for a little while with Thomas, I take a semester off to help him with the kids so he can get his life back together, I want to be there to help him he has always been there for me. If William/daddy finally comes through and sends the money, I will be off to FL. And i’m not sure what I will do about college yet. If I stay here I have the chance to move to Denver, and work maybe go to college here. I want to be with daddy, I want all the fantasy’s to be real, but i’m so scared of everything i’m doubting so much of myself now.
About the lifestyle, not that I’m not right for it but, if I could really make someone happy, This has been so hard, and yes maybe I’m whining. I just don’t know how to deal with all these emotions, I act like things don’t get to me, but it’s not like that at all, look into my eyes you will see my soul, worries fears, failures, hope dreams, I want to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them , am I asking to much. Seems when ever I fall in love with someone they don’t love me and vice a versa.
It’s not far but life’s not far right. With daddy, I know i’m bothering him about when I’m going to get down there, I’m sorry but just scared of being alone and not being a reality, Also seems every time he was supposed to send the money some kind of drama happened. And this is out of no where and not my place but daddy had a slave stay the night, his friends slave, daddy told me he wasn’t training any more,
and it was a shook, and yes I’m jealous she is there and i’m not, even if she is being punished, i’m not perfect I never claimed to be I have baggage like every other person here. Some times I think I would be better off alone then I wouldn’t hurt anyone, but I want a real life, some one to come home to lie down with. Have a family, I would love to have a few more kids, with the person I want to spend my life, with and I would love to give my master, I to become a slave to earn that passage would mean so much to me.
To have the trust and understanding, also I could handle being the house wife * husband comes home from work, kids run up to see daddy, dinner is hot on the table, as he eats I run him a bath/shower, as he puts the kids to bed* does that sound so bad? I could go on all night, but ill let everyone know, later is daddy could get to western union today. *hugs kisses*
Daddies Angel | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | smurf song | | Security: | | | Subject: | La La | | Time: | 07:19 pm | | Current Mood: | chipper |
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| Yea anyway, im in one of thoes moods, to tired of being stressed about going to Fl, and about final, and cant forget family. So i decided to be hyper, and anoy the hell out of everyone else, not like anyone reads this, but hey it makes me feel beter. I have a new AIM name cause my uncle completly erased mine. So i should have all my contacts back soon, And daddy and Thomas are ploting agent me talking about punishments, lmao im screwed...
In all the wrong ways yea so ill talk to everyone soon | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Adrian bitching about life | | Security: | | | Subject: | Bla Blah | | Time: | 06:59 pm | | Current Mood: | amused |
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| This week has been hell,
well not really but I’m in the mood to complain. My uncle completely erased my AOL handle, so I lost all my contacts and anything that was saved under my name. He is so childish and vindictive. I don’t understand why he does this. But on the good news daddy got a job, and I also might be going to stay with Thomas for a while in Mississippi. This weekend I’m going to stay in Denver with Michael. So many things are going through my head this last couple of weeks. With finals, my heads not all here any way but the deadline is getting closer for William and I, and then Thomas is going through a lot right now and I want to be there for him and his 3 boys. Thomas has always been there for me, all the heart break and when I wanted to give up on being a submissive, even though I know that this is what I want in my life this is what will make me happy. It’s the most painful and satisfying journey I have very been on. I have met so many wonderful people men and women in the lifestyle. And learned so much about my self my wants, needs, limitations, *laughs* that I don’t have that many limitations. As you have seen from my list *grins* I’m in class waiting for daddy to get back from the store, talking with Thomas about how things will be and what’s expected of me when I get there. I’ am going down there as a domestic submissive. So cooking, cleaning, and helping with the kids. Wow we are going to have our hands full. 3 great boys and my 6 month old girl
*falls over*
Not sure if I can handle four kids. Well talk to everyone soon.
Daddy’s Angel | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | slipnot | | Security: | | | Subject: | So much drama | | Time: | 12:01 pm | | Current Mood: |  contemplative |
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| It's been a week, Daddy didnt get to call me last night, so worried about that he went to disney world with his family, I talked with Thomas for about an hour, Thomas was the very first dom i met and he took me under his wing, he has always been there for me, and i have tried the same with him. Well thomas just lost a sub, ewll she was a bitch not a submissive but thats an even longer story, Daddy brought up me staying with thomas for a lil while, to help him out i gess be a domestic there. cook clean help with the kids, by the way he has 3 beautiful boys. So thomas said he would think about it for a week, and hell let me know, he is in MIssissippi. well talk to evertone soon, and i miss you daddy
Daddy's Angel | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Lovers prayer/ JOE | | Security: | | | Subject: | Out of place | | Time: | 05:38 pm | | Current Mood: |  depressed |
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| | Im not sure whats up with me this week i feel out of place, my heads not hear. But my heart feels like its breaking, its been two days sence i talked to William, and the last conversation was not much to brag about he was half asleep I called him from my moms house hoping to talk before i came up to denver for the week. But he was to tired so he let me go. I know this sounds really petty but he has always asked me to exspress how i feel. So i am he said that he would send the 50 down to help me with the plane ticket, and hasnt and also told me that his mom was giving him money for cleaning up the house and not sure what happend with that i havent gotten to ask yet. I have fallen for daddy, or the fantasy of spending my life with him. And being his collared slave. I have the money to fly out there if i need to on my own. But is it wrong to want him to play for half? It will feel like he walks me there and im not pushing my way into his. life im getting scared he is getting tired or bord with me, these feelings are out of now where, im not sure what to do, i want to talk to him about all this but im not sure where its coming from. Being here in denver has got so many things on my mind. about being with him. And his family florida, working, college. *smiles* i know im a mess. hoildays have made it even worse i miss my father that passed away about 12 years ago. And i was looking forward to spending thanksgiving with William and his family but issues came up, in some ways i dont want him to know how i feel about getting to florida i want him to know i trust him and that im just scared and dont want to get hurt. I have let my self go to him. Talk to everyone soon. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | Can't sleep | | Time: | 02:14 am | | Current Mood: |  bord, tired/can't sleep |
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| Sorry daddy,
I know i shoudl be in bed, but cant sleep. so i just got to to check my mail and write a few notes. Finals are still going to kick my butt these next two weeks. Daddy has been helping me with my math. (Ty) I'll call around today amtrak, and other air lines for some cheeper prices, all we have found so far is 188.00$ *sighs* we both need to be rich for a day. *smiles* maybe a few days. well going to try to get some sleep and let me cozen have the computer. for a while. Talk to everone soon. I hope.
Daddy's Angel | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Hello everyone its been a week, I will only be able to update, monday-thursdays. If im not to busy with College, I will not longer have the internet at home, family is driveing my nuts, like normal. *smiles* and next week is Thanksgiving, so i will be alone, daddy said he would call twice a day now sence i wont be able to get online at all. I have been having many dreams about daddy and me, one was very scary, I had made it to the air port but daddy wasnt there, i tried to call for hours, but no one ever answered, i set down with Aryanna and begane to cry, i was lost no money to get home and no one there for me. But i felt he was watching me from some where. I woke up freaked. Some of the other dreams were much better, i was collard in one, and we had out own place, the feeling was so calming. One i wish would be a premanation, was when daddy and his family meet me at the airport together, His mom, held aryanna, and even his brother was there. lol didnt think he moved, lol. I wish i could be with him. he is sick again, *sighs* I think daddy is always sick. I have my work cut out for me when i get there. *pokes* I was talking with Adrian about love/and fantasy/reality online. Its so easy to fall online, because of the fantasy. Daddy and I have seen each other and talked, cam, everything. But the reality isn't quite there. I worried i wont measure up when it comes time. Or even if that time will ever come, Daddy has an interview tomorrow for a job. Wish you luck. daddy, im sorry if it ever gets anoying about my doubts, but i care for you ever much, and im very much real and wanting to be with you for my life, and to be collard by you. I want to make you happy and be there with you, or you here. I want you to be there for aryannas first x mas. please daddy dont hurt me. Just always be honst, daddy. And no mater what happendsd i will always be here for you. ok. *hugs* Kisses your hand, and your feet*
Good night Daddy
Daddy's Girl | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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